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| That reads: "Harden the f*** up!" |
Manly Beach was not pleasant, despite the sunny weather. Bluebottles were rife in the water, both in Shelley and Manly beach, and there was the ugly big stain of red algae that apparently is not very pleasant to swim through (Coach Jon initially told me it could kill a person with one swallow - and of course gullible me believed him for a moment). The surf was also pretty big, and I was seriously seriously relieved when it was announced that we were swimming in the harbour instead. Despite the millpond conditions in the harbour side of the beach, I couldn't help but still feel a bit of trepidation. The last time in the harbour, I had a pretty bad meltdown so I wanted to have better memories leaving the place this time around.
The first challenge was to warm up by swimming a course in and around a few boats moored in the harbour. It helped a lot to have Wendy there, who like me isn't particularly fond of swimming in the ocean, but unlike me has managed to overcome her fears to complete two ocean races to date. She kept close to me throughout the course, offering encouragement and support whenever I faltered, and I couldn't believe how much I still stopped and started. It's amazingly tiring the first 50 metres or so when I swim - both in the pool and in the ocean. Once I get warmed up and get going, it's generally pretty fine, so I really need to ensure I get the chance to warm up before I launch into the race or else I fear I wouldn't even make it halfway.
I managed to finish the first warm up and felt a bit better. It was terribly short-lived though. Coach Jon asked me to not do the second warm up swim, but instead take on a challenge - to swim just by myself, from the shore to the nearest yellow buoy. It was a mere 25 metres, if that, but I was scared. As Coach Jon put it, it's not that I can't swim - I just don't have the confidence to do it in the ocean. This was a good opportunity to really push myelf to swim out - the water was still and I was surrounded by people who would look out for me. So why was I still so damned scared? I was getting a bit weary of feeling this way. So I had to go and do it - and I did it, despite my leaky goggles (only from the left lens - still figuring out how best to keep it stuck to my face) and despite a few stops and starts again. I finally got to shore, to the applause of the 2 k'ers who were waiting for their next drill. I was so surprised by the spontaneous show of support that I burst into tears. Oh dear, and here I was hoping to have better memories today, which to me meant no more crying!
The next bit of training was tougher in a different way - we needed to train ourselves to swim in a pack and have legs kicking in front of our faces, which is a simulation of what we will experience on race day. I managed fairly well, until I had a repeat of what happened when I had my very first panic attack in the sea - when all of a sudden from being in the back of the pack, I was in the front, and I had a whole heap of swimmers faster than me who had to swim around me. I managed to last at least 30 strokes of being in this maelstrom when I simply couldn't take it and had to stop swimming to have my freak out. Thankfully it was a lot more shortlived this time around - Jenny and Wendy were there to help me through it, and I managed to get back to swimming within a minute or so, despite having my left lens half full - this time not with sea water but with my tears. Sounds like a familiar refrain, doesn't it?
The rest of the drills went better, with Wendy and me pairing up to chase each other's legs and get used to the flurry. I was pretty exhausted after all that, but despite the hiccups and yet more freak outs, I achieved my goal to leave with a slightly better memory of the harbour than last time.
Now here's hoping for better conditions next Saturday, and if not, I'll just have to "harden the f*** up!"
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