Tears and Fears

Shelly Beach - when it's calm and flat!!!

Second surf training session at Manly today, and I was not looking forward to it. I was assiduously avoiding looking at the weather and tide forecasts, only to accidentally see a newspaper article on Thursday that the water temperature was at least two degrees lower than normal. Great.

Actually seeing the rolling surf this morning did not inspire any more confidence. I could feel the bacon and egg sandwich I had for breakfast slowly roiling in my stomach, and I prayed I didn't end up chucking it all up. Our Coach pointed out that the rips were pretty bad today  - he kept pointing to where the rips were supposed to be and I tried to look knowledgeable enough by nodding with everyone else, while thinking "I have no idea what he's pointing out - what the heck does a rip look like anyway???!!!"

We ended up walking to Shelley Beach to do our drill swims, and that made me feel a little bit better. It already felt a little familiar, after my one other ocean swim experience! I squared my shoulders, popped my orange Can Too swim cap on, put on my goggles, zipped up my rashie, and told myself - I can do this!

We were warned the water was cold. It was actually more than cold - it was bloody freezing. But after a few strokes I felt pretty good, and made myself think I was simply in the pool (with seaweed, and fishies), just doing my laps.

My first lap around went well, and I jumped right back in for the second round. That's when I realised I was feeling a tad seasick. The waves were coming in a bit high and fast, and although they weren't breaking around me, I was being buffeted enough to feel a bit queasy. I also had trouble sighting where I was going and kept on going wide of the surf skis that we needed to swim around. And all of this while I watched almost every single one of my fellow Can Too swimmers pass me. I reminded myself I wasn't racing anybody, that I didn't have to go fast, it was all in my own pace etc. etc., but it still frustrated me at how slow I felt swimming in the sea. So different to being in the pool!

We then practiced duck diving under the surf skis, which was surprisingly fun and easy, considering I am - not putting a too fine point on it - rather buoyant with my big bosoms.

Maybe I was just feeling a bit too confident that I didn't freak out too much when we were told we were going a lot further out than I had ever been in the ocean, where we would then tread water then head back to Shelley Beach. I knew I was going to struggle when on the way out, I started freaking out with the waves coming in over my head. Mentor Katy saw me starting to freak and scream, so we swam a bit then rested, then swam some more. I kept on telling myself to keep calm and breathe, but it was seriously hard.  I tried to distract myself with sighting the police boat that was alongside us, watching our goings on, but all I could think about were how the waves just didn't stop.

We got to where the others were treading water, and then the signal came to swim back.  From being in the back of the pack, I was all of a sudden in the front, and I got caught in a tangled mass of arms and legs swimming to shore.  The washing machine feeling was intensified with the continuous waves, and I simply just lost it - I screamed and shouted "HELP!"  Within seconds Coach Mike was there with the Can Too gals on surf skis, and I held on for dear life, with my eyes shut and madly panting, trying to get more oxygen into my lungs.  I kept on telling myself I was fine, it was just the waves, and after a bit of this I felt good enough to start swimming back to shore.  When I finally got there, I saw Jenny's friendly face with a few other swimmers, and it was all a bit too much so I burst into tears and ran snot all over Jenny's swimsuit. 

I can laugh about it now, but I was kept on tearing over the weekend up every time I thought about what it was like swimming with those waves.  I continue to have serious doubts about getting through the training, but just have to keep reminding myself who I'm doing this for and why.  Let's see what next Saturday's surf session is going to bring!