The morning broke gray and cloudy. It was also really windy. I had this terrible sinking feeling in my stomach. Can Too trains rain, hail or shine, so there was no chance training was going to be cancelled. I was more cranky than usual as we walked the dogs - poor Adrian, having to put up with all of this.
I really and truly felt ill, and proven by the few trips to the toilet I had to do that morning. But I tried to keep thinking about my breakthrough last Saturday and how positive I felt about that. I knew this whole ocean swim was more a mind game than a physical one for me, so I had to keep on thinking that I can do this.
Besides, this was our last swim before we broke for a couple of weeks over Christmas, and I already had an idea forming in my head that I would try and swim in the ocean as much as I can while I'm on leave from work. This swim session would get me nicely set up for that plan, even if I didn't complete whatever training we had in store for today.
We had a bigger than usual group today as we were joined by two other training pods. I was a bit worried I would be left behind with such a big group, but was confident that the coaches and mentors would make sure we were all taken care of. We all got into our groups, checked who was hungover or not as it is the silly season for parties after all (and imbibing alcohol makes it harder for the body to get warm, and the water is still rather cold), and then we were told what we were doing - we were going to head off from Manly Beach, around the point to the right of the beach, towards a "halfway" beach of sorts between Manly and Shelley Beaches. Then, we were going to walk to Shelley, and swim back to this halfway beach, therefore completing what is essentially the 1 km Cole Classic course but in two legs.
Oh...my...God.
I told people I wasn't feeling the best, so it was known. But I DID want to give it a go, even for up to the point, even if it's not all the way to the halfway beach - I just felt I needed to get into the water to just give it a go. I stayed at the back of the pack, as usual, and tried to keep myself focused and relaxed. It was relatively calm coming out of Manly Beach, very small waves, which made me feel better. And the wonderful Coach Jon made me feel even better - he offered to swim with me all the way, as far as I could swim given I wasn't feeling great.
So we set out. I focused on my strokes. I was also trialling my new ocean swim goggles - someone told me it had made a difference to their husband who also struggled with the whole swimming experience, as he could see better and made him feel more in control. I was dubious as I thought it would be better for me NOT to see anything, but I needed to give it a go. Despite the goggles filling up with water from time to time (I was yet to find the best tightness), I pushed on, with Coach Jon and the surf skis close by.
We rounded the point. Coach Jon told me to sight a blue house in the distance to keep me on course. I stopped a few times and treaded water to adjust my goggles, but so far I wasn't panicking. I distracted myself by counting strokes, and admiring the fish and the rocks and the swaying seaweed. At the back of my mind I registered the fact that even though we were at depth, I actually wasn't feeling scared - in fact, I thought it was pretty cool. Seeing more with the goggles really did make a difference.
I kept going, and going, and going. It was very comforting to keep seeing Coach Jon right near me. I noticed there was only one other swimmer with me, also closely guided by another coach/mentor. I kept going, and going, and going. And much to my surprise, and before I even expected it, I was there - I was THERE at the halfway beach - I swam around 400 metres in the ocean and I felt GOOD. I couldn't believe it. I got out of the water and screamed - with joy and with triumph, and yes, with a few tears but happy ones.
 |
| Yes, that is a very happy me!!! |
Kath, mentor Katy and TC Josan clapped and cheered me on. And pointed out I wasn't even the very last person out of the water (I was second to the last, but frankly I didn't care). I felt on top of the world. And yes, this is what Can Too is all about - encouragement, support, friendship and achievement, and all while raising funds for cancer research that absolutely saves lives.
We walked over to Shelley Beach, and I couldn't believe how good I felt. The rest of the pods were there, getting ready to swim back to the halfway beach from Shelley. Coach Jon approached me and asked me how I was feeling - I said I felt fine and wanted to give it a go. He said it was a longer swim, but I felt I was on a roll and needed to capitalise on this. He said we better go now as the rest of the group would catch up with me very quickly.
We headed off, and my new-found confidence got a good battering - the waves were much choppier than the first time around, and we were swimming against the current. It was also colder and the bottom wasn't as pretty and it was very murky so there wasn't much to distract me. I started feeling a bit seasick, and a little bit scared. I stopped and started many, many times. The other group very quickly swam past me and I felt a little panic being around the churning arms and legs and had a flashback to my first panic attack - I had to work hard to not hyperventilate.
What got me through it was Coach Jon staying with me all throughout what I felt was more of an ordeal than a triumph. I kept on thinking what Annie told me a couple of weeks ago - I don't have to enjoy it, but I just had to do it. At one point I looked around and couldn't see a surf ski nearby - I felt I needed to have it as security just in case I got into trouble. Coach Jon - at this stage I noticed was getting a little bit more firm with me - assured me that there was one behind me so just keep swimming.
It didn't feel like that effing beach was getting any closer. I was getting seriously tired. In a fit of pique, I told Coach Jon I had had enough, I was over it, I just wanted to get out. He very quickly said he had had enough too, and I noticed he sounded pretty pissed off (well, we were going awfully slowly and I was whingeing an awful lot - even I would have been pissed off with myself if I was him), and that the only way we could get out of the water was to keep swimming. I took a deep breath, tried to focus, and started counting my strokes. We were aiming for just 20 - I kept going to 30 until I had another wee rest. Then another 20, 30 strokes - rest. With all this stopping and starting, the white shed I had been sighting for God knows how long finally started looking like it was getting bigger. And then I saw the halfway beach, and I knew I was close to being home and hosed.
Finally feeling that pebbly sand under my feet was one of the best feelings I ever had. I was so grateful to Coach Jon, and felt he seriously deserved a medal for putting up with me. I was the very last person out of the water, but I made it. I was tired, exhausted really, but happy that I stuck to it and made it. I was determined I was going to do better next time.
 |
| Exhausted after the second leg, with Coach Jon (a Saint...) still there to make sure I was o.k. |
No comments:
Post a Comment